Eyes Open
by logalissa
Summary: YN a not so normal teen sets out to get her bestfriend back after harsh rejection. Finding herself caught in some old friend drama she tries to untangle herself from other's people lies. Along with bestfriend Demi and neighbor, James, she tries to resolve everything only causing a love triangle. Who will she chose? Rated M for language
1. Chapter 1

**"Everybody's waiting**  
**Everybody's watching**  
**Even when you're sleeping**  
**Keep your ey-eyes open"**

* * *

Christmas break had just finished and school had started once again. Oh what a pain!

I waked into Biology with Sammy and Demi. Sammy and I took our usual seats in the front and Demi sat with Selena behind us. We all talked into Coach Hall walked in the classroom. He was the basketball coach who also worked as a science teacher. He never taught much that's why the whole class was passing.

"New semester comes with new material and also new seating arrangement. Everyone grab your stuff and stand at the back and wait till your seat is assigned" he said

Groans were heard from everybody.

"What? We're halfway through the school year and you can't just randomly pull this crap on us!" said Demi

"It's really unfair coach!" another kid said

"Life is unfair! And as for you Demetria... I can pull this 'crap' whenever the hell I feel like it! Now go stand at the back!" he ordered us

Now it was my turn to speak up

"Coach, at the begining of the year you promised we wouldn't have a seating arrangement!"

"Well Miss (Yn), promises were meant to be broken! Now everyone stand and the back or you can ALL have dentention on the first day back!" he said sternly

He sat everyone else but Demi, Selena, Sammy, and me down. He seperated us. We were in each corner of the room. The seat next to me was empty. Up until a boy walked in. The room fell silent but I didn't pay any attention. I was busy scribbling down lyrics in my song book. Lame I know, but music filled my life. The empty void I had.  
My mom had passed away when I was 13. That day my grandma gave me this notebook and said "Whenever you feel down, write something in this. A poem, lyrics, words or even doodles. Just remember your mom is watching you from above". As cheesy as that sounds I believed her.  
I jumped when the boy threw his books beside me.

"Do you mind?" I hissed shooting him a look.

Bad idea. The moment I did our eyes locked. His eyes were mixed between a hazel-ish yet brown-ish color. His hair fell perfectly across his his forehead. He shot me a small smile. No, not a smile.. A smirk.

"(Yn)! Eyes up here, not the new boy!" screamed Coach Hall

"I'm listening!" I screamed back

Did I mention Coach Hall was my aunt's boyfriend? Yeah, pure hell. He knew where I lived and pretty much everything about me. But I could get away with pretty much anything.

"Sure, sure. Just pay attention!" he smirked at me

I stuck my tongue out at him like a 4 year old. The boy in front of me laughed. I threw my pencil at him.

"Chill (yn)! You know I was playing!" he said blowing me kisses and winking

"Shut up 'Logie'!" I said smiling

"Don't call me that!" he said between clenched teeth

"Whatever!" I said in a sing-songy voice

Suddenly I was hit by a small bouncy ball

"(Yn)! Flirt with you boyfriend later! This is class so pay attention" said Coach Hall

"He's not my boyfriend!" I yelled throwing the ball back at him.

Unfortunately I sucked so I ended up hitting Kendall in the back of the head.

"Oops! Sorry Kenny!" I said giggling

"Okay, everyone shut up and pay attention!" yelled Coach one final time

We all shut up and watched the video he was playing. This semester's material was Human Reproduction. So we were watching a video on Sex and other stuff like that. The bell finally rung and we all walked to our lockers

"So? The new boy, huh?" asked Demi elbowing me on the side

"What about him?" I asked

"You clearly have a crush on him!" said Sammy giggling

"What? Why do you think that? Just because Coach caught me looking at him? Geez!" I said closing my locker and walking to our nexy class

Suddenly arms wrapped around me.

"What the-?" I said as they picked me up

"You hit me with a ball so now i'm getting revenge!" said a husky voice in my ear

"Kendall! Stop! Put me down!" I yelled at the top of my lungs

"Schmidt! (YLN)! Detention!" said Mrs. White

"Fuck!" I sighed "See what you did Kendall! Now we have detention." I said punching him

"Ow! Why so violent! Fine, see you after class." he said walking the other direction

I turned around and walked to my next class when I bumped into the new boy. My books went flying on the other side of the hall and he didn't even bother to say 'Sorry' or even help me up.

"Excuse you!" I screamed after him

"You're excused!" He screamed back


	2. Chapter 2

**"The tricky thing**  
**Is yesterday we were just children**  
**Playing soldiers**  
**Just pretending"**

* * *

"What's up with him?" asked Carlos helping me up

"I dunno. New kid already being an ass." i said dusting myself off

"I can tell.." he said looking behind me

"Mhm, c'mon let's go to class before I get detention again." I said walking faster

"Again? Why again?" he asked curiously

"Kendall picked me up in the middle of the hallway and I was screaming then Mrs. White gave us detention.." I said laughing

"Oh, looks like someone has a crush.." he said before taking a seat

What does everyone keep saying that?

"(Yn), Carlos. Late and being disruptive. Quiet or I can give you detention" warned Mrs. LeBlanc

"Sorry" we both murmured

I sat down next to him and took out my notebook. I ripped a small piece out and wrote down

'what'd u mean bout the crush thing?' and pushed it towards Carlos

C: 'nothing forget it' he wrote

'well if ur gonna bring it up y not talk about it!'

C: 'its not my buisness'

'fine.. be a butthole.. :P'

C: 'haha, funny. i really cant say a thing. i promised'

'promised what? to who?'

C: 'nothing forget it'

'ugh. fine! :P'

C: still love ya

'whatevs :P :)'

"(Yn)! Carlos! Quit passing notes in my class!" she yelled

"Sorry! Damn!" I murmured

"What was that?" she asked me

"N-nothing" i stuttered

"Oh, really? Well you can keep saying nothing and get detention." she said smiling evilly

"Aw, fuck!" I moaned sinking further into my seat

I looked over at Carlos and he gave me a "Sorry" look. I couldn't help but just roll me eyes and look at the board.

"Could this day get worse?" I asked walking into Mrs. White room

"I think it just did" mumbled Kendall when the new boy walked in

"Aw fuck!" I said again

I laid my head on the desk waiting for the time when Mrs. White would finally let us go. I took out my notebook and began writing once again.

"I am not my own. For I have been made new. Please don't let me go. I desperately need you"

Weird. I hadn't listened to that song in forever. Guess it was just one of those random days. The rest of the hour finally passed by but I had to stay another half hour for Mrs. LeBlanc. Such a bitch.. Apparently so did the new kid. He sat behind me doing nothing but looking at the board.

"You can leave now. I don't want to see you here anytime soon. Especially you, James. It's your first day for god's sakes!" said Mrs. LeBlanc walking out the room.

So James was his name? Hmm. Weird, i thought James' were supposed to be nice and NOT rude.

I grabbed my bag and walked out the room. I suddenly forgot my notebook on the table so I went back.I stood at the door watching James. My notebook was in his hands.

"What the hell? Who the hell do you think you are snooping around my stuff?" I asked taking my notebook back

"Well maybe you shouldn't leave your stuff out where people can take them!" he said looking at me with his now dark hazel eyes

"What the hell is your problem? You come around here like you suddenly own the place pushing me around and being rude to me? What did I ever do to you? Stupid new boy!" I said walking out the room again

I walked out to the parking lot and saw Kendall was waiting for me outside in his car. I walked over to his car.

"Hey, what are you still doing here?" I asked

"Oh, I was just waiting. Making sure that James kid didn't try anything with you" he said with a small smile

"Oh, well too late. I accidently left my notebook on the table and I went back to go get it and he was reading it! And after you left me in the hallway he pushed me on the floor and didn't even bother to apoligize or even help! I swear the nerve of some people!" I sighed mad

"What? That's fucked up. Who the hell does he think he is pushing someone - especially a girl - around. I'll have a talk with him" he said between clenched teeth

"Down, boy. Okay well I gotta go. My mom's probably worried anyways. Bye see you tomorrow!" I said kissing his cheek and walking away

"Bye" he said and got into his car

I drove home but couldn't help but notice a guy walking down the road. I parked my car and got out. The house beside me had cars and a moving truck. Oh god. Please don't let it be him...

"Hey dad. I'm home!" I yelled throwing my bag on the couch

"(Yn)? Where were you?" he asked

"Erm.. I got into some trouble with Kendall and Carlos so the teacher gave me double detention" I said looking at my feet

"What? (Yn)! It's your first day back and you already had detention!" he said smiling

"Hey, it wasn't my falut! Kendall picked me up and I screamed then I got caught passing notes with Carlos.." I said smiling at the incidents

"Oh.. Hmm. Are they still coming over this weekend? I need to make sure someone doesn't burn the house down while I'm in New York!" he said going back into the kitchen

"Oh and you trust the boys to do that?" I asked raising and eyebrow

"No, Selena and Demi are perfectly capable of controlling the guys. No sex in this house though!" he said giving me a stern look

"Dad! I've never had se before! Geez, just because I've had boyfriends and they've spent the night doesn't mean i've had sex! I'm still a virgin!" I said laughing hitting him with a pillow

"Oh sure! Like 17 year olds don't go out and have sex and drink!" he said laughing

"Whoah. We never agreed on the drinking part!" I said looking at him seriously

"Excuse me?" he said raising an eyebrow

"Hey, i'm 17 and i've drank! I'm honest about it!" I said smiling slightly

"Okay. Just don't get pregnant when you do the guys" he said turning his back to me

"No promises!" I said laughing

"Whatever. C'mon let's eat! I'm starving!" he said serving me my plate

We ate dinner and stayed on the couch watching some old movies. Around 10:30 we started falling asleep so we said our good nights and went into our rooms. That night was the first of many night that I dreamt of James.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dreaming dreams with happy endings**  
**In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords**  
**But now we've stepped into a cruel world**

* * *

The dream I had wasn't normal. It, in a way, felt real but at the same time it didn't. I tried waking up but I couldn't. I guess I was screaming because my dad ran into the

room trying to wake me up. I jumped up and noticed I was sweating but tears were also streaming down my face. So when you cry in a dream, you cry in real life too?

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" he asked rubbing my back as I caught my breath

"N-nothing. I-i just had a dream." I said rubbing my eyes

"You sure? I can stay a little while longer" he said

"Yeah, wait. What time is it?" I asked looking around

"It's almost 6:00" he said

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just gonna go take a shower."

"Okay, see you after work." he said kissing my forehead leaving the room

"Bye" I called after him

I got up and wiped away the remaining tears. I got in the shower and took a long deserved shower. I couldn't help but keep thinking of the dream. It was unusual. I've never

had one like it. And what did it mean? I did what I had to do and got out the shower. I changed into ( school_outfit/set?id=50327376). I was

wearing my favorite earrings and shoes. Kendall had gotten me the Vans for my 17th birthday. I made a small breakfast and ate. Around 7:00 I got a text from Kendall;

"Need a ride? I got nothing to do home"

"Hm, sure." i sent

"Okay, b there in 10. C ya then :)' he said

'Okay :)' I typed and hit sent then stuffed my phone into my pocket

I grabbed my bag and sat on the couch waiting for him. Suddenly one of my favorite Lady Antebellum song's came on.

"Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight. Just a touch of the fire burning so bright. No I don't want to mess this thing up" I sang as the door opened

"I don't want to push too far. Just a shot in the dark that you just might. Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life" continued Kendall

I smiled and continued

"So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight" we sang together

We smiled.

"Wow, someone can sing!" I said pushing him lightly on the way out

"Yeah, I never knew you could sing either." He smiled pushing me back

"Haha! I meant you!" I said tossing my bag in the backseat

"Oh, yeah. I'm okay." he said shrugging

"Are we going straight to school?" I asked looking at the time

"Nah, I wanna go get a coffee at Starbuck's before we go to school" he said never taking his eyes off the road

"Mm okay" I said

"You okay? You seem distant" he pointed out

"Hmm? No. I was just distracted like I usually am" I responded monotone

"okay" he said smiling at me

I felt my heart skip a beat. What? This has never happened before. Kendall and I have been friends since Pre-K. We're in our Senior year and i'm just now developing a crush on him? No. Maybe it was all because of the stupid dream.

Oh, right the dream! I still didn't know what it meant. I was standing at my locker alone when suddenly someone spun me around.

"What th-" I started until I noticed it was Kendall

He leaned in and kissed me. I didn't even think when I suddenly knew I was kissing him back. The kiss was abruptly interupted when someone pushed Kendall to the floor. I tried helping him up when someone pushed me against the lockers. I noticed that no one was even paying attention to us.

"James, what the hell? Get off me!" I screamed in his face

"Oh (Yn) shut up. You know you like this. Me being so close to you. My hot breath on your face. The way our bodies are pressed up against each others." he said in his husky low voice smirking

To be totally truthful I did like it. His muscles against my body and everything. The way his lips were so close that I could almost taste them. I, unthinkingly, found myself leaning in. I looked up briefly and saw him smile and also leaning. The moment our lips touched I felt a jolt of electrcity of running through me. The way he kissed me was so soft and gentle that I felt my legs would give away. I was glad he had me pinned against these lockers. We stood there kissing each other for what seemed like forever. He finally pulled away slowly biting my bottom lip softly before doing so. He smiled and turned around to see a very angry but shocked Kendall standing there with his jaw dropped. His sweet smile suddenly turned into an evil smirk. He let go of me, gave me a disgusted look and walked, no ran away. My legs weren't stable anymore so I dropped to the floor. Tears were streaming down my face.

What the hell did my dream mean? He kisses me just to make Kendall jealous then walks away like i'm some nasty piece of trash? My thoughts were suddenly intrupeted my Kendall waving his hand in my face.

"Hey (Yn). You okay? Why are you crying?" he said with a worried look

Reliving the moment made me cry like I did in the dream.

"Hm. Oh it's nothing don't worry about it. Let's just go to class now." I said waving away the thoughts of my dream

"You sure?" he asked

"Yeah, positive!" I said smiling real big for him

"Okay." he said smiling handing me my bag

We walked into the school together and saw people whispering something about me.

"Look, there she is!" said one girl

"Oh, her? She's so pretty. That's why she ge-" said another

"Paola! Shut up!" said another girl hitting her

"What are they talking about?" I asked Kendall

He shrugged and walked towards his locker. My locker was halfway down the hallway so I still had to walk more. The moment I was in sight of my locker my jaw dropped. Balloons, roses, chocolates and small gifts were all waiting for me at my locker. I walked up to it and picked them all up. I opened my locker and saw a piece of paper that wasn't there before. I opened it and in cursive the following was written.

"hey (Yn). Possibly you'll be confused, but I need to let this out! Maybe you won't have the same feelings but I know that I've kept this in for awhile.. I like you. And I mean it, as in I love you. It may be sudden of some sort, and you probably don't have the same emotions for me, but it's okay I guess. I don't know any other way to tell you so this in this letter I let everything out, I'm not the best at saying this in person, this is the reason of why I've let everything out in this letter I've placed into your locker. I love you, YN, I have so much feelings for you, when I first saw you I know I felt it was love at first sight. If you agree, would you go out with me? I'm sorry I'm not asking you in person. But I do love you, and I wonder if you do too. Whatever your reaction or answer is, I can wait. I just needed to tell you at some point... If you do accept meet me at the park at the bench under the lamp-post. (Yn) I really do love you. You just need to know who I am  
-Xoxo Unknown (for now)"

My jaw dropped once again. Who could it be? I had no idea but I knew the girls knew about it. That's what they were talking about! I put everything in my locker and walked into Biology. James was already sitting there. I took a deep breath and sat down. Logan noticed and leaned back to face me.

"Hey." he said with a big smile

"Hey, what's up with the smile?" I asked smiling back

"Nothing. Hey did you see all that stuff in your locker?" he asked still smiling

"How could I not?" I laughed

"Oh, ha you're right! So do you know who it's from?" He asked

"Erm, no. They told me to meet them at the park at 6pm so I think I might go. Just to find out who it's from" I said

He started saying something but Coach Hall walked in and class started. Everyonce and a while. I would take the note out and read it. It was beyond romantic! I wanted to know who it was from. James was acting really weird around me. He was talking to me because Coach assigned us a project but his eyes were red. His hands were always clenched to the point that his knuckles were white.

The day passed like that but he was talking to me more. I found out he was the one living next to me and about his family. He apoligized for yesterday and we sat together at lunch. One thought was hidden in the back of my head. What if the person that wrote the note was James? School finally ended and I got ready for my 'date'. 6pm came around and I drove to the park. I walked out and re-read the note. I walked to the bench and sat down. I waited for a while until I heard leaves shuffle. I quickly turned around and saw who was responsible for the note. My jaw dropped at the sight.

"(Yn) you came" he said smiling


	4. Chapter 4

**Where everybody stands and keeps score**

**Keep your eyes open**

* * *

"I know it wasn't probably who you expected but i'm 100% honest when I say I love you" he said handing me some flowers

"L-logan?" I gasped

"Yeah" he said shyly lightly rubbing the back of his neck while looking down

"Oh my god." I said throwing my arms over his neck

He hugged me back as well.

"So..? Does this mean?" he asked pulling away slightly to look at me

"No, Logan. I hugged you because it was really sweet of you to do that for me. Logan i've known you since what? The 5th grade when you moved here? We've been super

close. We can't have a proper relationship that way. We can probably continue our relationship that we have now." I said looking in his eyes

"Which is?" he asked looking past me

"People always think we're together and I mean you were my first kiss the day of our 8th grade dance. We have more than just a

normal friendship and it's not being brother or sister relationship either. It's more of a 'flirtship' if that's even a word." I said chuckling

He chuckled.

"So more of a friends-with-benefits type of thing?" he asked raising his eyebrow

"Yeah, but not make things official between us." I said laughing

"Right" he sighed "Well atleast eat with me?" he asked pleadingly

"Of course Logie" I said kissing his cheek

We walked into the middle of the park and ate some pasta he prepared. He pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses as well.

"Logan, I didn't think you could cook!" I said laughing

"What? Why not?" he asked

"Because that one time you and the guys slept over you tried making toast and you burned it!" I laughed harder

"Okay, that was a one time thing! It wasn't my fault! Kendall was distracting me the so.." he said chuckling

I laughed harder. And soon enough I was on the ground grabbing my sides. Whenever I laugh I remember other things so it makes me laugh even harder!

"(Yn)! Breathe girl! You're gonna end up dying on me!" said Logan trying to help me up

Tears were now streaming down my face. I wasn't sure what I was laughing at anymore! I finally calmed down.

"Geez (Yn)!" he said putting things away back into the basket

"Sorry, I don't even know why I was laughing" I said giggling

"Oh wow. Yeah makes perfect sense!" he teased

"Oh shut up!" I said pushing him lightly

"Ha, well we better get going. You're dad is gonna start wondering." he said standing up sticking his hand out to help me

I took his hand and he forced me up. A little too hard. We ended up headbutting.

"Ow, shit. Damn, Logan you got a hard head!" I said rubbing my forehead

"So do you!" he chuckled

We got everything up and headed to our cars. I heard Logan mumble something to himself. I turned around and saw that he was way too close. I tried taking a step back but

he hands were on my waist pulling me closer.

'You're probably gonna hate me for this' he said before crushing his lips against mine.

I immediately pulled away and slapped him. Not because I wanted to but because I felt I had to. Maybe he'll understand. I didn't wait. He stood there grabbing his cheek

while I ran to my car. He knew he had done wrong so he didn't chase after me. I got into my car and didn't bother putting my seatbelt on. I just drove straight home. 15

minutes of silence.. Or so I thought. I kept getting texts from Logan saying he was sorry and a bunch of other bull. No I couldn't look at him the same way. He wasn't the

type to do things like that. Did he really believe after what all I said that a stupid kiss would change that? Just because he was my first kiss in the 8th grade didn't mean I liked him that way.

I finally pulled up into my drive way. I didn't even say anything to my dad. Selena had texted me to get on Skype after the date. I logged in and

quickly got a video invitation from Selena.

"Hey, how was your 'date'?" she asked immediately

"What did you know?" I asked accusingly

"Uh, no! I was about to ask you who the guy was.." she trailed on

"Oh.."

"Well? Who was it?" she screamed through the computer

"Calm down chicka! Haha, It turned out to be Logan..." I said not looking at the webcam

"Wait.. WHAT?" she screamed again

"Selena scream again and I won't talk to you until tomorrow" I threatened

"Oh my bad.. haha. Wait so Logan?" she asked still shocked

"Yeah, caught me off guard too.. I would have thought it was Ken- I mean James or something. Maybe why he was so friendly today.." I trailed on

"Oh my gawd. You almost said Kendall! I heard you!" she smirked

"But I didn't.." I countered

"Yeah, sure.. Well what happened?"

"Nothing.. I told him that we could only be friends then we ate.. Oh my gawd, did you know that fool cooked?" I asked laughing

"Haha, yeah I did. He's cooked with his mom when I came over one time.. It was pretty funny"

"Oh.. Well we ate and started leaving..." I said

"And?" she asked raising her eyebrow

"He.. uh.. kissed me" i said softly

"Hmm? I didn't hear you"

"HE KISSED ME!" I yelled

I heard footsteps up the stairs..

"Fuck, Selena I gotta go. Talk to you in the morning bye" I said shutting off my laptop

My door flew open.

"What was that about a kiss?" asked my dad smirking

"Oh my god! You knew didn't you!" I said hitting him with a pillow

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about!" he said half smiling

"Dammit dad.. UGH!" I said laying back down on my bed

"So what about a kiss?" he said serious

"Logan tried, well kissed me. I pulled back and slapped him. I told him before we could only stay friends that I would only look at him as a friend and nothing more." I said

closing my eyes

"Poor kid... Guess he deserved it too. How hard?"

"Uh, pretty hard 'cause when I ran off he was still stunned"

"Oh, well.. You want anything to eat?"

"No, I ate with Logan.."

"Oh right. Well wanna watch TV?"

"No, I gotta do my homework and I need time to think of what i'm gonna say to Logan tomorrow." I responded picking my bag up and pulling my books out

"Okay... I'll be downstairs if you need me..." he said shutting my door

I started doing my homework when I heard little taps on my window.. There was still light outside so I looked out my window. James was in the tree next to my window.

"James? What the hell?" I asked opening my window

"Hey, I saw you driving back and you looked pissed so..." he trailed on

"Oh, it's nothing.. You wanna come in?" i asked opening the window wider

"Can I? Won't your dad get mad?"

"Nope... Wait..." I said

I opened the door and screamed down to my dad

"Can James stay over for a while?"

"Who?"

"James, neighbors kid!"

"Oh sure... No sex!" he yelled before I could close my door

"Uh.. sorry about that..." I said looking at the floor

"It's fine.. So who was the guy?" he asked looking around my room

"Huh?"

"The guy? Who asked you out or whatever? From the note on your locker!" he asked

"Oh, it was Logan..." I responded throwing myself on my bed

"The guy who sits in front of you?" he asked laying next to me

"Y-yeah" I said looking into his eyes

"Ohh, so are you his girlfriend now?" he asked

"Oh, no.. I told him I could only be his friend we had dinner and then he tried to kiss me and I slapped him. I ran to my car and I guess that's why you saw me all mad and

stuff..." I stated looking at the ceiling

"You slapped him?" he laughed

"Yeah, it was unnessisary but he had it coming.. I told we'd only be friends and he kissed me so I slapped him.."

"Ha, just the idea of you slapping him is hilarious.. I would have never thought (Yn), that one popular girl would ever slap someone especially a guy..." he teased

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" I asked hitting him

"That you're so girly I wouldn't think you'd hit someone.." he concluded

"Oh, shut up. You don't know a thing about me..." I said looking away

"Well do you wanna tell me?" he asked putting his hand on my shoulder

"No, i'm perfectly fine.." I said as a tear escaped the corner of my eye

"You sure?" he asked pulling my chin up

"No.." I said finally breaking down

He pulled me into his chest until I calmed down.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked softly

"Y-yeah.. When I was 13 my mom passed away... She had been really sick and we thought she'd get over it.. One day she was throwing up blood and we took her to the

hospital.. No one told me.. She had some kind of cancer... They didn't tell me she died until after a month.. I passed a whole entire month not looking at my own mother... I

thought she was still alive and everynight I prayed that I would get to see her.. I was and still am a little mad that my family didn't tell me.. And now.. you see me as that

popular girl.. I wasn't always that way... 5th-8th grade I was practically a loser.. with her bestfriends Logan and Demi and Kendall... All 4 of us got bullied every single

day... it was horrible.. I was trying to talk my dad into homeschooling us with Demi's mom... One time they hurt us so bad we had to visit the hospital.. we told the teachers

but of course they didn't care... At age 14 I picked up my first razor... Demi and I cut ourself... I lasted until last year.. My ex told me it wasn't worth it.. But that never stopped me.. My uncle tried raping me as well... I was in such a shock I didn't eat at all.. One of my cousins was murdered for drugs.. we were really close... I was sent to rehab for the winter break thing.. I recovered and no one outside our group knows it... You're the first to know outside our little cirlce..." I said while tears still streamed down your face

"Oh, (yn).. I didn't know.. I'm sorry if I offended you.." said James pulling in into a hug

"James, it's fine... Now you know.." I said smiling slightly followed by a yawn

"Guess you're tired huh?"

"Nah, i'm okay.. Wanna keep talking?" I asked laying back down

"Sure" he said propping himself on his elbow

We talked about the most randomest stuff until 1am then we fell asleep in each other's arms.. It wasn't weird.. It felt nice.. I just hope I was smart to trust him. Once again I had the same dream.. This time Logan kissed me instead of Kendall... But everything else was the same.. I woke up when James and my dad were shaking me again..

"Sweetie you okay?" asked my dad

"Yeah, sorry it was another bad dream.."

"Okay, well I gotta go to work.. Take care of her James.." he said shutting the door

"Will do Mr (yln)" then he turned to me "you okay? you were whimpering and it was worrying your dad and I" he asked concered

"Yeah.. just a stupid dream about my mom's death" i lied

"Oh..."

"Yeah, i'll be fine.. What time is it?" i asked

"Uh bout to be 6.." he answered

"Oh, back to sleep!" I said laying back down pushing James along with me

We both laughed. I looked at his eyes.

"You have beautiful eyes" I said smiling

He blushed.

"You have an amazing smile" he replied

Now it was my turn to blush. I kissed him on the cheek and fell back asleep.

We fell asleep in each other's arms again. But when I woke he wasn't there instead there was a note.

"Hey.. Sorry had to get back home and get ready. I'm probably down stairs waiting for you. You're beautiful when you're sleep if you didn't know.  
Xoxo JM"

I blushed and got up. I changed into some dark skinny jeans and a long sleeve shirt and some flats. I brushed my hair and put it up in a side pontail. I put my books in my bag and jogged downstairs. Sure enough there was James making breakfast.

"Morning." I said stealing a piece of bacon

"Morning beautiful" he said

"When did you leave? and How did you come back?" I asked as he served me

"Left around 6:30 and came back through the front door.." he said smiling

"Oh, hmm.."

We continued eating and he drove us to school. We arrived only 10 minutes before 1st period. We went to our lockers and got the books we needed. James and I walked into 1st period laughing and joking but as soon as I saw Logan's seat empty my smile dropped.

"Hey what's wrong?" James asked me

"He didn't show up because of yesterday" I said softly making sure tears didn't fall

"Don't worry.. He'll come around. He can't just stop being your friend because you slapped him after he knew what was coming" he said pulling me down to sit

"You're right.. He's probably just ashamed of what he did" I said looking at him smiling slightly

Class started and the day passed by and no sign of Logan. The next day was the same... 2 weeks had passed and no one knew what had happened to him. Kendall and the guys tried visiting him but his mom wouldn't let them... I finally earned enough guts to call him.. His sister answered

"Hello?"

"Hey, Presley it's (Yn).. May I speak to Logan?"

"Sorry (Yn).. He's not here.. At all.." she answered

"Oh, well do you know when he'll be back?" I asked

"No, he moved back to Texas.."

"What?"

"Yeah, about 2 weeks ago he came back saying 'I screwed up.. I can't stay here. She'll never understand' and moved the next day.. Half his stuff is still here so he's probably at one of his friends house... Mama tried everything but he didn't budge.. Sorry.." she said her voice cracking

"Oh my god.. Okay.. I'll talk to you later. Good night Presley" I said and hung up

Logan moved back to Texas because of me?


	5. Chapter 5

**Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown**  
**Everybody's watching to see the fallout**  
**Even when you're sleeping, sleeping**

* * *

Logan was taking this too serious. I let him down easy, he kisses me and I slap him. He knew it was coming! He can't be serious about staying in Texas because I told him we couldn't go out? I need to talk to him. I pulled my book-bag out of my closet and threw a few items I would be needing. I wouldn't be able to talk to him unless I flew to Texas. I grabbed my iPod and brush from my dresser and ran downstairs.

"Where are you going this late?" asked my dad

I sighed closing my eyes thinking of what I was going to say.

"Logan still hasn't come back. I talked to Presley just a few minutes ago and she said he moved back to Texas. I have to talk to him and convince him to come back because I was the reason he left in the first place" I said opening my eyes, looking at him in the eye

"(Yn).. Are you sure it's because of you? I mean he could have some family emergancy or something.."

"No, Presley told me he came back saying 'I screwed up.. I can't stay here. She'll never understand' and moved the next day. He's my bestfriend and I need to make sure he's okay. Can you please drive me to the airport?" I pleaded

He looked away thinking of what he was going to say. The faster we got to the airport, the faster I could talk to Logan.

"Alright, fine. I can see you really need to talk to him.." he said slipping his shoes on and grabbing his keys.

I ran up to him gave him a small kiss and ran upstairs for my purse. I could tell he wasn't fully convinced that it was a good idea for a 17 year old to be flying to Texas alone.

On the way to the airport I decided to text Kendall and the rest about what I was doing. I typed "Logan moved back to Texas by himself so I'm flying there tonight to talk to him. I'm not sure when I'll come back" and hit send to all of them.

Kendall: WHAT? Are you crazy? Why didn't you tell me? I could have gone!

Sammy: Oh my god! That idiot! Good luck sweetie! Xx

emi: Alright, I'll fly to Texas tomorrow to help you, babe. Xoxo

elena: OMG! By yourself? Text me when you get there!

Carlos: Holy fuck.. Are you going alone? Stay safe! I need my bestfriend with me! (; lol alright, text me when you find him.

And of course I had to text James telling him why I wasn't going to be in school for the rest of the week.

James: (Yn) are you serious? He really took it hard.. Alright well now I'm gonna be bored outta my mind in 1st period but alright see you soon...

After I got all my responses I texted them back.  
To Kendall: No, I caused this so i'm gonna fix it. Demi is flying out to Texas tomorrow to help me.

To Sammy: Alright, thanks babe. See you soon!

To Demi: Thanks, babe. I need someone to keep my focused and help me around in TX.. See you tomorrow

To Selena: Demi is flying out tomorrow to help. Once I land I will

To Carlos: Ha, I will Demi is helping me find him too.. See you soon Carlitos (:

To James: Don't worry.. I'll be back before you know it.. Same, see you soon... Text you when I land..

By now I had already bought my ticket and said good bye to my dad. They called my flight and I boarded the plane. It was 11:30 when I left so it'd be like 12-something. I wasn't tired so I stayed up listening to my iPod. I was glad I had my music with me. I keep thinking of what would happen. I turned my phone on to see if I had gotten any texts.

From Demi: Do you know what airport you're landing at?

To Demi: Yes, Dallas Fort Worth..

From Demi: Alright, just bought my ticket flying out there tonight.. My parents know.. See you soon babe.. Wait where do you wanna meet?

To Demi: Uh, not sure.. Never been in TX so i'll tell the cab driver to take me to a hotel & i'll text you the name.. Gotta go bye..

After what seemed like an entire night we were finally landing in Dallas.. That's as much as I knew. It was 1am in Dallas which meant it was like 2am back in Cali. I called my dad like I had promised telling him where I was staying. I quickly got into the cab as I texted Demi that I had landed. She was still on her way here. I payed for my hotel room and told the lady to send Demi up to my room when she landed because we'd be sharing a room. I opened the door to my room and collapsed on the bed. Now that I was back on ground my sleep caught up with me but I wasn't sleeping until Demi got here. I took a small nap when I felt my phone vibrating in my jeans. I jumped up and took it out of my pocket.

From James: Hey, you never texted me when you landed so I got worried :p

To James: Sorry, it's late here so I took a nap while waiting on Demi, I'll text you when I find him. Night..

Aw, he was worried. He really was a good friend. Even if I had only known him for a few weeks.

From James: Good night beautiful, talk to you soon.

I layed back down not bother to text him back. Suddenly my phone rang again. This time it was Demi asking info about the hotel. I gave it to her and she was here in 15 minutes. We hugged and talked about what happened until 3am, we finally got some sleep. I think this was the first night I didn't have a dream of Logan or James. It was the first night I wasn't dreaming of anything. Suddenly, I felt arms around me. They were shaking me. And it wasn't gently either, they were grasping my arms and I could feel the bruises starting to form. I tried so hard to open my eyes but I couldn't. I felt my eyes shoot open and all I could see was white. I didn't see the person who woke me or was holding me. Then my eyes closed and I tried opening them again this time sucessfully. I could see Demi standing beside me and a hotel worker and a paramedic.

"(Yn)? Are you okay?" asked Demi holding me like I was her daughter

I couldn't find my voice to speak so I slowly nodded. I opened my mouth trying to ask what had happened but no sound came out. It was like I was IN a nightmare. Where you can't move or speak properly. I tried once more.

"W-what h-happened?" I asked in a small shakey voice, It didn't sound like my own and I was starting to panic

"You were sleeping and you started mumbling something over and over. Josh, one of the hotel workers, said it was Latin." she said pointing to a guy probably as tall as her with light brown hair like James with glasses.

"Loagn Commodo redeo , commodo " he said in Latin

My eyes immediately widened. I had never taken a Latin class. I didn't remember saying anything.

"But then you started shaking in bed and your mumbling began getting louder and louder until you were screaming. Josh ran to get a paramedic who was on the second floor to help. He was shaking you so you would wake up because.." she trailed off as tears flowed onto her cheeks

"What? Demi, what was it?" I asked my voice wasn't normal and it was starting to creep me out.

"Your voice.. it got deeper and it didn't sound right... then you opened your eyes and they rolled back into your head.. I've never seen anything like it.. I would see why Demi was scared and called me up here" finished Josh for her

"Josh, what was I saying?" I asked not taking in what he just said

"Logan please come back, please" he said with his slight Texan accent

I couldn't take it anymore. Right then and there I cried into Demi's arms. I didn't care that a totally attractive guy was standing there looking at me. I cried. Not even a day in freaking Texas and I was acting weird. Josh and the paramedic left and Demi took me back to my bed. I had apparently been laying on the floor for the past half hour of my life. I'm happy to say I fell asleep with no problems. No screaming or crying. Just sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**** Keep your ey-eyes open**  
**Keep your ey-eyes open**  
**Keep your ey-eyes open** ******

* * *

**Sorry for the late update.. I've been trying SO hard.. Bare with me, I just started high school and it's not easy... Thanks guys**

* * *

"(Yn).. Wake up.. We have to look for Logan.." I heard as someone shook my softly..

"Hmm? Oh.." I said as I opened an eye to see Demi shaking me

"Yeah, get up so we can go eat breakfast.." she said walking into the bathroom

I rolled over to on my side to see if I had any texts or calls. 10 missed calls; 3 from Kendall, 2 from Sammy, 1 from my dad, Carlos, Selena, and an unknown number, and 16 texts; 4 from Kendall, 2 from Sammy, 3 from Selena, 3 from Dad and Carlos, and 1 from the same unknown number. I opened that one first.

From Unknown: Go back.. He doesn't want you here! - Xoxo, HS

"H.S? Who would that be?" I whispered to myself

"Hm?" asked Demi coming out of the bathroom searching for something to wear

"Oh, nothing just a weird text.." I said handing her my phone

"Go back.. He doesn't want you here! Xoxo, HS" she read out loud "Hmm, that's weird.. You didn't tell anyone we were coming did you? Well aside from our group?" she

asked pulling a shirt over her head.

"No.. No one else knows aside our group and our parents.. Do you think your parents would tell Logan's parents we were coming?" I asked her stepping in the shower

We've been friends so it doesn't creep me out talking to her while I shower.

"No, I didn't tell my parents where I was going.. I just said I needed to go with you and that it was super important" she said

"Ow, fuck.." I mumbled when the warm water hit my back

"Something wrong?" she asked, concern hidden in her voice

"No, just my back burns from the hot water" I replied

I did my buisness while she fixed her hair. I stepped out of the shower and walked back to my bed.

"Uh, (Yn)? What happened to your back?" she asked following me

"What do you mean?" i asked as I used a smaller towel to dry my hair

"You have red stratches all over it!" she said pulling the towel off my body. I picked it up and covered the front part.

"What?" I asked disbelief clear in my voice

She grabbed her phone and took a picture of my back. Then she pulled me back in the bathroom and opened the closet door which revealed a full body-length mirror on it.

She made me look at my back and as clear as daylight there were 3 deep red marks down my back and another that crossed all 3 of them from the small of my back to my left shoulder blade. And that was only looking at it from side ways. I gasped slowing taking in what I was looking at. Then she shoved the phone in my hand. Side ways it was

only 10% of how bad it really looked. The red was darker and the scars were deeper.

"Oh my god" I said breathlessly as a tear rolled down my cheek "H-how did this happen?" I asked out-loud, handing Demi her phone back

"I'm not sure.. Just get dressed and we'll talk about it later" she said

"Fine" I huffed and got ready.

I put on some white skinny jeans and a glitery red tank top and the red vans Kendall had bought me for my 17th birthday. That's the one thing I ever got from Kendall,

shoes or money.

"Where are we going?" I asked, closing the door to our room

"There's a small cafe around the corner. The owner is my mom's and Logan's mom friend.. Maybe he's seen him around or something.." she said putting her sun glasses on.

It was only 9am but it was warm out.. Imagine the rest of the day!

After walking for a few blocks we finally reached the cafe. We sat in the corner just in case Logan decided to show up. I looked around an saw a burnette and blonde talking. They were waitresses here because they had a boring over-used uniform every resturant has. White shirt, black pants and black shoes. I scoffed not being mean towards the girls but in pity because they had to wear such over-used uniforms. The blonde looked my way and turned away quickly.

"Is that her?" the brunette asked the blonde not trying to be quiet at all

"I-i'm not sure" stuttered the blonde

I immediately got uncomfortable and shot Demi a pleading look.

"Something wrong?" she asked setting the menu aside

"I'm not sure but I think those waitresses are talking about one of us.." I said looking towards them as the brunette shot me a dirty smirk

"Uhm, excuse me? We're ready to order here, if you don't mind" Demi said interrupting the girls' conversation

The brunette was quick to roll her eyes and push the blonde to do her work. The girl quickly put on a fake smile and walked towards our table.

"Hi, my name is Halston. I'll be taking your order" she said in a horribly shrill voice

I cringed my nose and shot Demi a look which caused her to giggle. We order our basic breakfast: Coffee, Eggs, Bacon, Toast and such.

[A/N: I'm not very descripitive on food.. Trololol]

As we ate the two girls kept staring at us and making snide remarks as if I couldn't hear them. Demi looked up as our waitress came back and gasped. Halston and I gave

her a confused look. She looked down at her phone and lifted it in the air like she was trying to get some signal. I heard a small click and she put it down. She shot us a small smile and acted like nothing happened.

"Uh, is Joe Cochran here?" Demi asked looking around

"Uh, no. He's out of town and he left Sam and I in charge for the week." she said pointing back at the brunette whose name happened to be Sam.

"Oh okay. Well tell him Dianna Hart de la Garza's daughter came by." she said searching in her purse

"Will do.. Is that everything for today?" she asked curtly

My eyes widen at her tone. Clearly she's not a very nice waitress after all.

"Yeah, C'mon (Yn).. We better go. The sooner we find 'it' the sooner we can go back to Cali." she said slowly, eyeing the rude blonde

"W-what are you looking for?" she suddenly spoke, fear and curiosity in her eyes

"None of your buisness, thanks for the service. Have a good day" I answered and walked to the front door. I noticed Demi was jaw-dropped at what I has said.

"Demi, you coming or what?" I asked rolling my eyes as Halston turned a bright shade of red.

She chuckled and picked up her bag and ran towards me.

"Oh and Halston, sweetie, Red is SO not your color" I said turning on my heel and leaving the cafe.

Once we got into the car, we weren't able to contain our laughter anymore.

"What was THAT?" she demanded after our wild fits of laughter.

"I'm not even sure. It kinda just.. you know.. popped out of my mouth. I wasn't even thinking." I giggled again "It felt weird. I'm never rude to people who I don't know. I

just didn't like her. I guess.." I observed, looking back at the uncivilized conversation.

"Guess not.." she stated and she continued driving

"Where are we going?" I asked after 15 minutes of driving on silence

"Public library" she answered "or our old school district.." she added

"Why? What for?" I requested, eyeing her suspiciously

"Halston looks like one of Logan's exes.. I just recognized her face but I never met or spoke with her.. And she's one of the violent exes.. Reason why Logan dumped her back in 9th grade."

"And you think that's _**HER**_?" I wondered out loud

"Yep," she paused "I **_KNOW_** it's her.."


	7. Chapter 7

**_So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard_**

**_Every lesson forms a new scar_**

**_They never thought you'd make it this far_**

* * *

**_ Misslittlemaslow: Thanks and I couldn't approve your other review because I absolutely love Sammy Droke, Samantha Boscarino and Halston and I can't stand when people say they hate her, so please don't right that in the reviews. I stand up for the people I love so, hope you understand that..  
_****_ BigTimeKoganObsession Thanks so freaking much! Asdkjhdfl! Makes my day when someone says that about my stories!_**

* * *

I scoffed at how paranoid she sounded.

"You can't be serious, Demi. Like she probably has a boyfriend, or you confused her with someone else! That can't be  
her!" I exclaimed

"(Yn) Calm down! We have to make sure anyways! Like you've said before, "you never know"!" she smirked, never  
taking her eyes off the road

"B-but.. How are you gonna get in anyways?" I asked, crossing my arms and sitting back

"I still have my pass from when we came here.. They never change them anyways! Besides, small county schools don't  
really care who visits, as long as you sign in and sign out, you're good!" she smiled parking the car "We're here!" she  
exclaimed, opening her door and out-stretching her arms

She was right, the public library was probably a quarter size of the one back in Cali. Now to see if we can get in.

Demi quickly pulled me out of my thoughts and we walked towards the main office of the building. We were  
welcomed by a small, plump woman with gray hair and a kind smile.

"Hello dears, How can I help you today?" she asked tenderly

"Oh, we're to check a few things out from the library.. That's all.." Demi answered her. Short, sweet and to the point!

"Oh, alright. Do you have a pass or ID?" she asked looking for a sign-in sheet on her desk

"Yep, right here!" she answered pulling her old pass out

"Ah, thanks so much. Just sign-in and you're good to go!" she smiled at us

"No, thank you! Have a nice day!" I answered her as Demi signed in for the both of us

The lady smiled and went back to her previous work. We walked out of the office and Demi lead us to the library. Like  
the office it was welcoming. It didn't have a gigantic collection of books like ours did but the walls were painted a  
welcoming yellow and blue, which I believed were the school colors. Demi walked up to the librarian and asked for  
some year books. The lady kindly took them out and handed them to her. We walked to a table back in the corner so  
we wouldn't disturb anyone. She handed me a few books and made me look through them looking for Halston's year  
book picture. I finally came across a familiar smile.

"Demi.. I think I found her.." I whispered

"What? Really? Lemme see!" she said, snatching the book out of my hand

"Dear god, Calm down!" I laughed as she tried finding Halston's familiar features.

Her face lit up for the shortest of a second, changing expressions faster than a chameleon blending in with this  
surroundings.

"Something wrong?" I asked, afraid of what may be wrong

"No, it's her alright.." she said, her eyes wet from the tears formed in here now sad eyes..

"Demi, something's wrong.. Please tell me.. Maybe it'll help" I pleaded her, now on the floor next to her feet

"It's just that... Remembering my childhood.. Halston Jean Sage... Samantha Joann Boscarino... They-" she took a  
deep breath before continuing.. "Remember when I told you I used to get bullied?" she asked, a few tears escaping

I gasped, thinking the worse..

"Y-yeah... Babe.. Were they the ones who.." I couldn't finish, anger flooding out of me like a small creek after a big  
storm surge

"Just listen... They were the girls who defended me.. From the bullies.." she said, her voice cracking on the last words

"So.. What happened?" I asked, my anger dying down each second a new tear escaped

"W-we were best friends, up until years before I moved to Cali.. Then they started ditching me.. and eventually.. The  
girls who once used to defend me, make me laugh and have crazy adventures.. Were now my personal bullies.. They  
judged every little thing I did.. Good or bad.. If it was bad, they'd tease me about it.. Saying I wasn't good enough or  
I wasn't worth it. And if it was good, they'd make up things like I was just a kiss up.. That everything I did was only  
because I wanted attention.. Eventually everyone started to hate me.. That's when I began cutting.. They convinced  
me I would never be good enough-" she was interrupted by a guy standing behind me..

I saw her wipe her tears quickly and stand up and pull me up to see who had interrupted our heart-to-heart  
conversation. I looked up and my first and only instinct was to hug him, but that was left with the harsh words that  
came out his mouth and the two girls standing behind him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?!" he whispered sharply, reminding us we were still in a library

"W-we came to find you.." Demi and I both answered

"Why?" asked the brunette, whose name I believed was Samantha

I shot her a dirty look, which she returned.

"Sam, STAY OUT OF THIS!" he said through clenched teeth

She backed down, scared of what Logan might do.

They way Logan was acting wasn't normal. I didn't like this side of him..

"Why?" Logan repeated looking directly at me

"Because! You just ran out on us! No note, text or even fucking phone call! We were worried about you! I called your  
house and Presley told me you had moved back! And I told her i'd bring you home!" I exclaimed, making sure my  
voice was still appropriate for the library

"Well YOU didn't have to come, Demi could've done it alone!" he snapped at me, red taking over his face in anger  
and aggitation..

"I think we should take this outside" Halston gave voice, holding onto Logan's arm, pulling him outside

Sam motioned us to follow. I'm not sure why but it started to feel like we really weren't wanted.

We walked out to the parking lot and next to our car.

I sighed and rested my head against the top of the car. I stood up straight and looked Logan in the eyes. The once chocolate brown eyes were now darker than coal.

"Why'd you leave?" I asked

"That's none of YOUR buisness" spoke Halston

Now more frustrated than ever I replied in the exact tone she used with me

"Uh, No! Actually it's none of YOUR business! Who the hell do you think you are?" I asked taking a step towards her

Logan took a step in between us and held Halston's hand. A look of confusion and hurt struck Demi's face. I couldn't even imagine how my face looked right about now.

"Actually that is her business, Halston in my girlfriend." he said with a smile, not a sincere "so happy this happened smile" one but a dark "fuck you for messing with my emotions" smirk

"W-what?" I asked in disbelief

"You heard me, Halston is my girlfriend. You rejected me, then I came here for some space and Halston and I clicked from there" he replied with the same mean smirk at the end

"Oh, wow. Okay.. You were 'so in love' with me, you leave me AND your best friends worried about where you were and if you were okay or not and find another girl friend. Congrats Halston, you have an asshole on your hands!" I said, pushing through them both to pull Demi next to me.

"Why?" we heard Demi speak up

"Why what?" asked Logan, his eyes shifting from me to her

A tear slipped from her eye as she continued,

"Why her? Out of all the people you can fucking date, WHY HER?" she screamed in his face

Suddenly the old Logan broke through, he saw how upset she was and he wanted to reverse that. His eyes flickered back to me and the mean one returned.

"Because I can date whoever the fuck I want that why!" he screamed back at her, holding on tighter to Halston's hand

Demi and I staggered back. We knew something had snapped in him. He never yelled at either of us, he's always been the 'chill' kind of guy. I glanced over at Sam and she was only smirking and Demi and I. Halston was looking down, not wanting to look up.

"Okay" was all Demi answered and got in the car

"Nice move, dick. You just lost 2 of your closest friends over someone like her. Have a nice life" I said, tears streaming down my face as well.

I looked at him and his dark eyes went lighter, the REAL Logan finally revealing himself.

I got in the car and drove back to the hotel. I had to pull over a few times because my sobs were choking me and I was having trouble breathing. Demi hadn't said a word since we got in the car. We couldn't believe, him knowing Halston, Sam and Demi didn't have a very pretty past, that'd he'd date Halston out of rage that I had rejected him.

We finally got to the hotel and just sat on our beds wondering why all this happened, how a simple slap on the face could change someone so drastically. We were brought out of our thoughts by a knock on the door.

I slowly stood up and stretched. I walked over to the door and opened it.

An unexpected guest was waiting for us.

"What are you doing here?" I asked them


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry that I haven't updated this story in a while, got a lot going on. I wrote this chapter in one night, from 12am to 3am so I apologize for the misspelled words and horrible grammar. I'll hopefully be updating sometime this week. Let's keep our fingers crossed. And from now on, I won't be posting the lyrics because I lost my place but also because the song got a bit overrated for me.

* * *

"Um, I don't think we need to talk about anything." Demi said, now standing behind me

"Look, we came here to give you a warning; Stay away from Logan. You had your chance but you blew it. Logan and I are inseparable. Just because you, attention seekers, fly here and begging him to go back, doesn't mean he's gonna do it. So if I were you, i'd be smart and pack up your things and leave as soon as possible. If not, Sam and I can and will make your life a living hell. Leave. NOW." Halston threatened

"Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are coming over to our hotel room telling us to leave? You aren't shit. So if I were you, I'd go back home and shut the fuck up before Demi and I beat the living shit out of you. Have a nice day." I said shutting the door in there faces

As soon as the door shut, two annoyed grunts were heard from the other side followed by heavy foot-steps. Demi and I gave each other a look before bursting into laughter bringing the both of us to fall on our beds.

"Geez (Yn), Since when do you use so many curse words in one sentence and let the person live? Are you feeling okay?" she teased

"Hey, they deserved it. Who the hell do they think they are, telling us to leave? They're lucky I was in a better mood because they'd probably be in a hospital by now." I laughed

"Ha, yeah, probably."

"We should probably get some sleep now.. We need to catch a flight after talking some sense into Logan." I said, followed by a yawn

"Oh, yeah.. Alright, goodnight. Let's see what happens with Logan"

"Let's hope it's something good, goodnight" I said, turning the light off

I layed on my bed, planning out the scenarios that may take place tomorrow; 1) Logan would realize how foolish he's been acting, apologize and go back with us or 2) He'd blow up in our faces, tell us it'd be better if we left and walk off like the asshole he was acting like. I was childish to think it'd be number one but somewhere deep inside me, I still had some hope the real Logan would come out and everything would go back to normal. I fell asleep to memories of Logan and I, the simpler times you could say.

I woke up in my usual state of screaming and crying. I held on to Demi like she was the last thing I had, and for that moment, she was.

"You okay?" she asked after finally calming me down

"Yeah, sorry I had a nightmare.. again" I replied, trying to remember what had scared me so much I woke up in violent sobs and screams

Nothing.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I don't think I can. I don't remember anything about it." I said slowly

"Okay, if you remember anything tell me. I'm always here for you" she said, kissed my hair and went back to her bed "Now let's sleep because we have a busy day later, night" she said turning the light off and drifting back to sleep

"Night" I whispered

I didn't know what was wrong with me but I cried. Maybe everything was finally hitting me. And that's how I spent the rest of the night, crying. I didn't know why I was crying. But I did. Finally after 2:37am, I drifted back into a restless sleep. Not really relaxing, more of a resting my eyes. I woke up around 7:43am, I layed my bed trying to collect my thoughts about how the day would plan out. Logan and I would possible get into another fight and then Demi and I would leave back to Cali, worrying our butts off about Logan. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened. After getting ready, Demi order room service while I called Logan so we could meet up. He sighed into the phone but agreed to it. Demi and I ate and then we drove out to Logan's apartment, which he happened to be sharing with Halston and Sam. Fortunately, neither of the "snobby hoes", as Demi called them, were home. We tried convincing Logan to come back with us to California but he didn't budge. We ended up screaming at each other and we left for our flight.

"Here's a plane ticket to Cali. The flight is for tomorrow, if you do change your mind" Demi had said handing him the ticket.

We had already packed so as soon as we left Logan's, we drove straight to the airport.

"Hey, my dad told me to call when I was flying back, I think you should call yours as well." I said before calling dad

"(Yn)? Is everything okay? Are you coming back? What happened to Logan? You never texted me or called me after you landed!" he bombarded me with question I wish I could answer

"Dad calm down. I'm okay and yes i'm flying back now. I'll be home in a few hours. Same with Demi. I'll tell you everything that happened when we get home. Talk to you soon. Sorry my flights being called. Bye." I said before hanging up

Demi was already waiting for me. We boarded the plane and I listened to music the entire time. Neither Demi and I wanted to go back undefeated. We did everything we could but in the month Logan had stayed here, Sam and Halston had practically brainwashed him into believing he hated us and that he didn't need to go back to California to be happy. I was really worried about how everyone would look at Demi and I when we came back without Logan. I just wanted to sleep, and so I did. I fell asleep thinking of all the things that would be said the following Monday. And I wondered how much trouble we'd be in for practically skipping school. We had never really asked permission to leave school. I woke up to Demi shaking me telling me we had landed. We took our backpacks and walked to the gates.

"Can't believe we're back.. as failures" I said, after telling dad what had happened in Texas

"You aren't a failure (Yn). Logan simply has a lot going on right now and his escape is Texas. Once he clears his head and thinks clearly for once, he'll realize what a jerk he's been acting. He'll be back. Don't worry sweetie." he said to me "Demi, which home am I taking you to?" he asked looking at her in the mirror

"Whichever, my parents don't mind. I already told them what happened. You want me to call to see if it's okay?"

"If you want" he replied turning into the freeway

She quickly called her mom and she approved on letting her stay over. She said it'd be better if I had a friend to talk to right now.

Once getting home we both ate lunch and called the rest and told them to meet up in the cabin in the woods behind my house. We'd made it our little secret place. James quickly came over as soon as he knew we were home.

"Hey, I missed you" was the first thing he said to me

"Missed you too. Sorry I didn't call or text. We were busy." I said returning the "welcome back" hug he had given me

After refreshing ourselves, the three of us walked into the woods.

About 20 minutes later, everyone was here. Well, almost everyone.

Demi and I told everyone what happened.

"Don't worry hun, Logan's just going thru a phase right now. He'll come to his senses, eventually." Sammy said, hugging me tight

"Yeah, hopefully" Kendall sighed

"Yeah, our group just isn't the same when logie-bear is gone" Carlos said

We all gave each other weird looks.

"What?" he asked "You never knew that's what his mom calls him?"

"Oh my god, you aren't serious!" Selena gasped at the nickname

"I am! His mom calls him logie-bear! You guys should see his face when she does that!" he beamed

"Wow, it's so sad how much we all miss Logan. I wonder why he changed. It couldn't have been because (Yn) rejected him, could it?" asked Kendall

"No, of course not. She didn't do anything wrong. He asked her out, she said no, he forcefully kissed her and she defended herself by slapping him. I mean it's (Yn) for god's sake!" James answered

"Hey!" I said slapping his arm "I'm right here you know!"

"Oh, sorry didn't see you there. You're just so short and tiny" Carlos teased

"I am not!"

Everyone else laughed. We'd always have the most amazing time together. It was never just one of us, it'd always be us, together, as a group.

Night time finally hit and we all went back home. Demi and I stayed up doing nothing around with house with James. His parents weren't ever home at night so he'd usually stay over. Dad didn't have anything to say about it. He trusted me and he trusted James, only a tiny bit but he trusted him as well. We fell asleep around 2am in the living room. Demi curled up on the loveseat and James and I curled up with each other on the pull out couch. It felt nice, i'd fallen asleep in Kendall's arms and in Carlos' but James was different. He looked tough and built on the outside but once he was sleeping, he was this delicate little thing that was just so adorable. Up until my screams and cries woke him up. Demi, dad and James called me down around 5:30. Like last night, I didn't know what has scared me but the need to cry came back. But I knew if I cried in James' arms, he'd think something was wrong. But I never knew why I was crying. It just kinda happened. I pushed the urge back and fell asleep facing James. His hot breath was somehow sweet in my face, like a lullaby. When I woke up around 9, the first thing I saw were James' hazel eyes staring back at me.

"Hi" he said after a few minutes we'd been laying there

"Hey"

"You look cute when you're sleeping" he commented

A felt a small blush creep up to my cheeks, "And you're adorable when you snore" I said, winking at him

Suddenly Demi was inbetween us.

"Hey there" I said to her

"Hello!" she replied

"How was your sleep?" James asked her after moving around so the three of us were all on the pull out couch

"Peaceful, weird."

"Why weird?" I asked

"Haven't slept like that in forever."

"Oh" James and I said at the same time, throwing us in giggles

Dad finally came down to the living room

"Dad! Make us breakfast!" Demi yelled as he entered the room

"What? No, you have arms. Make your own food lazy ass!" he smiled

I cocked an eyebrow at Demi and James. Weirdly, they had understood it perfectly

"Please?" we all said, pouting

"Ugm, okay. fine." he said giving up

Dad made us all breakfast and the rest of the day was a lazy day again. Around 3, Dad told us to get ready because he was taking us out to a movie. We all got ready, James left to shower at his house and while Demi was in the shower, I got some chores done around the house. By 4:30 we were all set. We ended up roaming the mall for a few hours instead of watching the movie. We left around 8 for dinner and since tomorrow was Monday, Demi had to go back home.

I got all my stuff ready and James parked his car in our driveway so it'd be easier to get to school. Like always we ended up sleeping curled up against each other. No complaint from the other. Tonight was different. No screaming to wake up to, no crying. Just peaceful sleep.

"Morning handsome" I said as soon as he opened his eyes

"Good morning cutie"

"Ready to go to school?"

"No, I just want to sleep." he groaned

"Well too bad. We gotta get ready" I said pushing him slightly

He rolled over and got up. I took a quick shower and got ready. I threw on some jeans and a cute red dress shirt I had. I put my red Vans on and brushed my hair. I didn't feel like putting on a lot of make up so I just put some eye-liner on.

We were out and ready by 7am. We stopped by Starbucks for some coffee.

James and I walked into the school together. Both greeted by several friendly "Hey's". We walked around with our group for a while before 1st period. Turning into another hallway, I saw them. Logan and Halston making out by his locker. Demi and I stopped walking as soon as he looked up.

"Hey what's wron-" was all that James said before looking up where Demi and I were looking at

"Logan" I whispered before the strang, but oddly welcoming darkness engulfed me.

"(Yn)!" was the last thing I heard


	9. Chapter 9

_**~Sorry if it's short. Filler chapter I guess. Finally got it done! I feel so accomplished! Sorry for the wait, I'm suddenly inspired to write.. Thank the Gods of Muse for this. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. I wrote this in less than 30 minutes because I had to go to bed. Anyways, hope you think it's good. Enjoy~**_

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I woke up to bright white lights and a giagnatic headache. As soon as I opened my eyes, Carlos and James rushed to my side.

"(Yn), how are you feeling?" James asked taking one of my hands, squeezing slightly

"I feel fine.." I replied

"Do you remember what happened?" asked Carlos this time

"Uh, sort of.. Uh, we were walking and then we turned into a hall and I remembering seeing someone." I paused re-thinking "No, not someone.. 2 people." I paused again

Carlos quickly started panicking when I didn't tell them who I saw.

"Los, calm down. I remember who they were. I just really don't want to say their names" I said, looking down at my hands

At that time, the doctor walked in to check up on me. She told me I had fainted from the stress I was going through and that I needed to stop worrying so much and that the more stress I endured, the more health issues I would go through. I told her i'd try my best to keep from stressing out. James and Carlos take me home. James decided to stay over with me to make sure I was doing okay. We talked about Logan and Halston for while before I started getting touchy over the fact that he wanted to know so much about Halston.

"I'm not her keeper, how should I know? All I know is that she used to bully Demi, she's a bitch and she happens to be going out with Logan" I replied angerly

"Okay, calm down."

"Well you keep asking me questions about her. I obviously don't like her. If you do, then go on ahead, ask her the questions you were asking me." I yelled, running back to my room

I threw myself on the bed, mad and actually sad about how much James wanted to know about Halston. It was sickening. I told him every bad thing she did to Demi when they were younger and how she treated us when we were in Texas but he kept asking personal questions about her. How the hell am I supposed to know?

"(Yn)? Please open up. I didn't mean to upset you." James called from the other side of the door.

After a few minutes of silence, another voice spoke.

"(Yn)? James says he's really sorry for upsetting you. Please open the door?" Kendall pleaded

I rolled my eyes but smiled. He had gotten Kendall to beg for him. I got up and unlocked the door.

I rolled my eyes but smiled. He had gotten Kendall to beg for him. I got up and unlocked the door. Next to Kendall, James was standing with a bouquet of roses.

"As if you're gonna woe me with an apology and a bouquet of roses" I said

"Told you it was too much, you're on your own kid" Kendall said walking down stairs

I walked passed James and into the kitchen where Kendall was already searching through my frigde.

"You got anything good in here?"

"I dunno" I answered filling a cup of water

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. _"Well who could that be?"_ I thought to myself

"I got it!" James yelled from the living room. I rolled my eyes, everyone acted as if they owned this house. It's weird on one level but perfectly normal to us.

"What are you doing here?" James said fiercely, making me do a double take

Since when does James control who visit me?

"James? Who is it?" I said, walking around the corner to meet up with those brown eyes

My glass immediately fell to the floor, shattering loudly that it echoed through out the house.

"(Yn), you okay?" Kendall said shaking me out of my momentairly daze, oblivious to who was at the door

"Yeah.. I'm fine"

"(Yn), I need to talk to you. Alone." the guest at the door said, eyes pleading even from the distance between us

"What for?" I replied coldly, uninterested in his presence

"Please (Yn)!" he begged now, clasping his hands together

I looked over at James. His fists were clenched to the point where his knuckles were white and his jaw set. Everything about his apperance wasn't what it usually was.

"Someone's over-protective" Kendall muttered under his breathe, probably thinking I couldn't hear him

"Alright" I said, walking outside, past Logan

Once we were outside, I walked to the oak tree in my back-yard, climbing one of the lower branches and looking coldy at Logan

"What is it?" I said, staring at him darkly

"You okay?" he asked quietly, guilt washing over his features

I rolled my eyes, but replied, "I'm fine."

"You didn't look fine. You actually looked pretty pale and then the next thing I know you're on the floor and we were screaming your name."

"I said I'm fine. It was probably something I had eaten or maybe because I hadn't eaten. My health is obviously none of your concern." I shot back

"We both know that's not true. (Yn), tell me what happened to cause you to faint. Because what you just said right now, is complete bullshit." he retorted, narrowing his eyes

"Who the hell do you think you are? Not sure if you've noticed, but you left me and our friendship. I am no longer your concern. Anything that happens to me are my _friend's_. Not yours. So please, let me live my life and stay out of it." I said sternly, hopping off the branch.

He stood up but only to grab me by my elbow.

"We aren't finished talking." he said, gritting his teeth

I took a step back. The Logan I saw back in Texas was about to make his grand entrance once again.

"Tell me the truth. You fainted because you saw Halston and I kissing. You fainted because you were surprised to see us both here. Tell me the truth (Yn), what is it you feel about me? Love? Hate? Lust?" he began getting louder

I stayed silent. I had honestly no idea how I felt about him anymore. Everything was gone. No certain emotion towards him.

"Answer me!" he yelled

"You want the truth? Well here it is: I've lost all respect for you. Acting as if we were never best friends. Thinking you're suddenly better than everyone else just because you took a cowardly move and flew out to Texas because you were afraid of rejection. And then moving back, as if nothing had ever happened here.

Like you were some new kid who didn't even call any of his friends to tell him he was moving back. Then acting like a cool kid, making out with his girlfriend in the hall ways, as if you owned the damn school. That's how I feel." I said, leaving him with a shocked expression.

Things were finally sinking in. I just hoped it wasn't too late. I missed the old Logan. Not the one that was currently standing in front of me.

"Since that's all that you wanted to know. I guess we're done here. Goodbye Logan" I said, walking back inside the house.


	10. Chapter 10

**Yay! I'm updating! Not sure if you've noticed but I'm into a lot of angst stuff so that's why half the times I'm making up fight scenes and leaving off with cliff hangers because it brings tension into it. So when reading any future chapters, please don't think I have any major mental issues or against anything that happens.. Trust me, ****_*spoiler alert*_**** you'll think that at least once in the following chapters, even if you already do. I can make you cry, feel anger, pity and all emotions towards my character. Also, not sure if you've noticed, but I rarely use last names in this story.. only one explanation.. I'm not sure if this an AU [Alternate Universe] in BTR the show or if it's in real life.. So.. when I figure that out.. I'll use last names.. Sorry for this big A/N.. just thought I needed to tell you this.. and Thank You if you actually read this though.. haha. Anyways, please enjoy this new chapter!**

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**_*Warning; Lots of cuss words in this chapter*_**

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"What'd he want?" James asked as soon as I walked in

"None of your business, James. What just happened out there, is between Logan and I" I said hastily

"You okay?" Kendall asked as he cleaned up

"Yeah just a bit tired of all this" I said, laying down the couch

"You hungry? I could make you something to eat" he asked

"Erm, sure.. why not.."

I looked over at James and he was still standing at the door. He looked.. sad, disappointed but most importantly, mad. His nostirls flared. He was breathing heavy and his knuckles were white

"Is Logan still out there?" I asked, bringing him out of whatever he was in

He peeked outside, "Yeah" he answered, turning back to me, "want me to tell him he needs to leave?"

"Yeah," I answered, unthinkingly

He opened the door and walked out.

I got up and watched them from the window Logan was sitting in the ground nect to the tree and James stood over him. Logan shot up and pushed James. Suddenly, a fight broke out.

"Kendall! They're fighting!" I screamed out to him

We both ran outside to stop them. Kendall held Logan while I held James.

"What the hell is going on here?!" I yelled at both of them

"This _kid _right here! I came out to tell him he had to leave and then he goes off on me! Telling me I'm not worth your time and if I knew what's best for me that I'd stay as far away from you as possible." James replied, brushing himself off

"You're not fucking allowed to come around here acting like my fucking body guard!" I turned to yell at Logan, "You stopped being my friend the moment you bought your fucking airplane ticket and boarded the plane! Leave Logan. Just fucking leave. I don't want you here. James is a much better friend than you _ever_ were. He actually cares! He wouldn't just walk out my life like you did a month ago! While I stayed here, helpless, thinking you would come back, he was here. Comforting me. Making sure I stayed on top of my grades. He made sure him and the others were here taking my mind off of things." I continued, "The reason I had to spend a day and a half at the hospital was because of you! The more I stress out and feel way to many emotions at the same time, the more I'll be visiting there. All these emotions I've been feeling the passed month and a half finally caught up to me. I wasn't fast enough to push them away when you got here." I screamed at him.

Everyone stayed silent after my speech. Things were finally sinking in for Logan. Deep down he knew he had been the one to cause me the most pain, but he didn't think that all of it would land me in a hospital.

Logan took a step towards me and grabbed my hands tightly. The real Logan had finally broken through.

"[YN] I had no idea." he began

"No. You didn't. And neither did I" I replied, pulling my hands away

"W-what do you mean?" he asked, voice going softer than a 3 year old's when being yelled at for doing something bad

"I had no idea you would ever do something like this to me. That you'd be to blame for landing me in the hospital. The reason I'd cry myself to sleep when James had to go home or had a family emergancy or something. Sam and Halston were right. I'm wasting my time and breath on you." I said as Kendall and Logan gasped beside me

"No, [YN]. Please, you can't do this. I'm sorry, please believe me. I regret everything I've done." he pleaded, scared out of his mind

This time Kendall spoke up, "[YN], don't do what I think you're about to do. Listen to him. Give him a chance." Kendall said, emerald eyes rimmed with shock and scaredness.

"No Kendall! I am so sick and tired of trying and giving him second chances! This is my final decision. Unlike Logan, I don't regret my decision."

"And that would be..?" James asked, completely lost in the situation

"I'm done." I said as chills rose up everyone's spine.

Logan dropped to his knees and began wailing at the top of his lungs. Kendall didn't move an inch, skin and eye color going pale. James stood there, trying to understand what was going on.

"P-p-please d-don't do th-this to m-me. [YN], p-p-please. F-forgive me. I'm b-begging y-you!" Logan managed to say in between his sobs.

"Leave" I said to boy who clutched my legs like a scared 3 year old

"P-please" he said, standing up, holding me by my shoulders

"LEAVE! JUST FUCKING LEAVE! I'M DONE WITH YOU! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! WALK OUT LIKE YOU DID BEFORE. YOU'RE PRACTICALLY AN EXPERT NOW! DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE TO TALK TO ME. I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF BEATING YOU IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! **JUST LEAVE!**" I screamed at him as I began hitting him across the chest

Time moved slower and slower as he backed up against the tree behind us. Weights were lifted off my shoulders as I began punching him everywhere I could. Kendall and James tried holding me back as my punches grew more and more furious by the passing second. I was able to break through every single time.

They kept screaming my name but I was no longer control of my body. I had finally snapped to the point of no return. I wanted Logan to feel everything I was going through but I knew he wouldn't so the next best thing was physical pain. The blood dripping from his forehead and nose and the black eye that was beginning to form were not enough so I began kicking him.

Finally my mind wandered out from my head's confines and I was able to hear what the guys were screaming. Not just guys, girls as well. A familiar voice broke through to me

"[YN] STOP YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM! PLEASE I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! LISTEN TO ME!"

Demi.

My hands and feet froze as her words sunk in._ "You're going to kill him!" _It wasn't until then that I realized that there were several hands holding me back. But somehow I had managed to break through all of them.

James was the first to react when I had finally had stopped my attack. He held me in his arms as I realized what had just happened.

It felt like a monster. I knew I was a monster.

I had just attacked one of the people who made my life as amazing at it is because he hurt me. So my pay back was to hurt him.

I began sobbing as James carressed my hair and began whispering "It's okay. Shhh" in my ear.

I pushed him away and ran inside my house. I locked every door possible and ran to my room.

The way Logan wailed when I told him I was done, was the exact way I began wailing. Nothing could stop me at this point. I walked inside my bathroom and locked the door behind me and slid down the back of it to the floor.

There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart or the sound of your breathing. A time where even the slight buzzing of silence is no longer a bother to you. When your mind goes void of any thought. So you sit there looking worse than a mental ward pacient. The way I sat on my bathroom floor as people pounded on my bedroom door.

I didn't move a single inch the entire time I was there. The light from my window high above my head had diminished, leaving me in complete darkness. I wasn't sure if I had my eyes closed or opened but I didn't matter at the moment. Either way I wasn't planning on standing up anytime soon. The pounding and calling my name had finally stopped a while back. I felt empty of any emotion. I wasn't sad, shocked, or angry. Just.. empty.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I'M FINALLY UPDATING! YAY!**

**So, I recently moved and my dad hasn't gotten to getting our internet service changed from our old address to our new one and we're getting AT&T instead of having the lousy-ness that is Comcast. Anyways, not having internet service has been all but kind to me and so the next day I started writing and here we are! This chapter is long! 3 THOUSAND WORDS! [And 6 microsoft word pages!] well after this author's note. But I won't be updating until I have the 12th chapter written out. **

**This is the first time I have ever edited a chapter. It took me around 5 tries to get a the chapter started like I wanted, and I had a totally different plot in mind but this is what my brain told my fingers to type! The 3 thousand words make up for the lack of updating! And I wanted it to be 3K words exactly, and that's what happened! Hurray for Melissa being able to update from her friend's house. **

**This chapter is dedicated to those who have depressio [like me] and are bi-polar. And please don't believe the part about the physcologist, That's what I'm gonna be when I get out of high school. **

******Oh, have any of you heard Cruise Control? I'm sad it's a Cody Williams cover but it sounds so amazing on the boys! GAH IM IN LOVE WITH IT!** If you haven't heard it, then there's a link in my bio!

**Okay, I'm rambling;**

**Enjoy 3 Thousand words starting.. NOW!**

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A loud banging noise startled me in the, still, pitch black room. The noise continued and was concluded with the sound of wood breaking and falling to the floor, followed by the sound of the light switch being flipped. My breath hitched in my throat as my brain slowly processed the sounds and what may have caused them.

They broke the door down.

"Shit," I hiss sharply yet quiet enough that no one besides me could hear it.

"Great, now I'm gonna have to pay for that, thanks James." I heard a familiar voice speak

"Kendall, shut up, it was your idea anyways" James replied annoyed yet I could still hear his voice a few octaves higher than usual

"Why are you guys still here" I thought to myself, "Everything is perfectly fine. I just need space. See Log-" I suddenly stopped my train of thought.

Logan.

He was the reason I was cowering in my bathroom.

Flashes of earlier this night suddenly flooded my mind; Logan's "visit", his and James' fight, the entire monologue where I introduced my feelings and frustrations concerning Logan.

Logan, Logan, Logan. That's all that was echoing around my mind.

The bright light in front of me and the soft whisper of my name brought me out of the horrific confines of my mind.

"[YN], you okay?" Kendall spoke softly, kneeling down beside me.

James stood at the door, eyes scanning me closely. He looked into my eyes for half a second before looking back to Kendall. His jaw was tight, bags under his eyes visible. His usually tan skin looked paler as well as his eyes. His expression unreadable but I knew he was judging, doing a double take as to why he stood by my side for over 2 months.

I didn't blame him.

I was acting out of normality. I've been known to lash out on people but not the way I had last night. Last night had been the first time I had ever lashed out on a friend. Well ex-friend if you will.

"[YN]? Hey," Kendall whispered, shaking me lightly.

The warmth of his touch against my cold body made me flinch, not only that, my arm was covered in bright red scratches. Somehow in the middle of my fit, I had managed to hurt myself.

He touched me again but this time I cringed in pain as a soft groan escaped passed my lips.

"James, turn the light on." Kendall commanded

"What? Why?" he asked, a confused expression replacing his set jaw one.

"Just do it!" he yelled at him, while trying to make me stand.

When I refused, he positioned himself to carry me. I began kicking and punching but it wasn't enough to stop him. After giving up, he took me to my bed where the light hit every last inch of my red streaked skin.

Gasps filled the room, my own included.

I had only seen a couple from the light that was able to escape from behind James' body but now that light flooded over my skin, we were all able to tell that it wasn't just a few. They were all over my arms, legs, thighs and even face. The burning sensation behind them was unbearable. Wincing in pain wasn't even an option at this point. Every inch of me felt like it was on fire.

"We need to get you to a hospital" James stated as he began throwing me some shoes and a jacket expecting me to move.

"No. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here" I said, putting on a brave face even though I felt like I could pass out any second from the pain.

"[YN] now is not the fucking time to be your stubborn self. Put your fucking shoes on before I put them on for you." James replied, teeth clenched

I cocked an eyebrow daringly as Kendall snickered behind him.

I was always the one to be in pain but could somehow also manage to keep my sense of humor. James' pained expression was replaced with his trademark smirk as he took my shoes and began putting them on my feet.

By this time Demi, Selena and Carlos entered the room, Kendall had already helped me with my jacket. Demi walked in, a worried mother's expression well written in her features.

She sat down next to me and rubbed my arm when I jumped up and yelped in pain. Confused looks struck the other's expressions as James and Kendall's turned into worried ones.

"We need to get you there fast. The need to make sure they treat every single cut and bruise" James murmured in my ear

I turned my head so I could speak into his ear.

"Uhm, I can't really walk. Would you mind carrying me?" I whispered quietly, my lips softly brushing against the outer shell of his ear. I quirked an eyebrow when I felt him shiver as he bit his bottom lip.

He nodded and positioned him and myself into a more comfortable way to carry me. I received a few skeptical glances from the girls but they washed away as I winced while James took me downstairs.

"Thanks," I whispered in his ear as I purposely let my lips brush against his ear again.

James closed his eyes and let out a low purr as he sat me down in the car. When he opened his eyes again, they were the vibrant hazel colored ones I was used to but there was an extra kick in them.

Lust.

I suddenly found myself leaning in for a kiss. When someone stood at the corner of my eye, I kissed his cheek instead of kissing him like I had originally planned to.

"Thanks Jaime" I teased him by the nickname his mother had called him when I had visited him

Carlos looked up with a gigantic grin attached to his face, "_Jaime?_" he asked, "Is that what you just called him?"

"Yeah," I answered proudly, winking at James when he gave me a "seriously?" sort of look

"So _Jaime, _why didn't you tell us you had a nick-name?" Carlos asked teasingly

"Because I didn't want any of you calling me that" he said, gritting his teeth looking directly at me

I only raised my hands in defense when the sharp pains passed by my arms once again.

"J-james," I gasped in pain, eyes widening as it began spreading to my legs and thighs once more

"Sorry Los gotta go" James stated, spinning on his heel and running into the car

"How bad does it hurt?" James questioned, once we were on the way to the hospital

"I feel like I'm burning from the inside out." I said, trying to keep myself from groan from its intensity

"I'm sorry," he replied, taking my hand in his and squeezing it tightly, a sure sign telling me he knew I'd be strong enough to last until we made it to the hospital. I squeezed back just as tightly signaling that I was scared of what may happen.

My doctor had already told me to stay clear of any stress or drama that could lead me to an anxiety attack or that could help the panic attacks I used to have when I was younger, come back. The panic attacks I had back in the 4th thru 8th grade had been a horrible experience for me. They also began getting worse after my mother's death in which she was the only one who could sing to me to sometimes calm me down. I could only imagine what they'd be like now after so many things that had happened between now and then.

We arrived at the hospital shortly after and as James explained the receptionist what had happened; I took the liberty of sitting down at the chair I had sat in for an entire month before learning about my mother's death. The chair that I sat in praying to God that my mommy would be alright and that she'd take me hiking, snowboarding or teaching me to play the piano like she had promised me a few summers before her passing. The chair I had refused to sit in every time I was brought to the hospital.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat there thinking of everything my mother had promised me before cancer took her life.

"Hey, are you okay? Are they burning again?" James asked taking my hand

"Yeah," I lied, not daring to look at him

"Don't worry. Your doctor's working the late shift so she'll be here soon to take you in" he reassured me

I didn't reply verbally, I managed to grip his hand in the poor strength I had due to the throbbing streaks that masked my skin

"[YN], what seems to be the problem dear?" Dr. Gillian asked taking me into a nearby room

"Uh well, I lashed out on a _friend_ today and it ended with me in my bathroom crying and somehow I did this," I said taking my jacket off to show her the markings that my skin hid

She stayed quiet but examined the scratches. She put a soft pressure on my skin that normally wouldn't hurt but now some bruises had formed around the skin. I winced at the discomfort but she only nodded to herself.

"What made you lash out?" she asked, pursed lips showing no emotion yet her eyes gave away the curiosity

"My, uh_, friend_" I started, stressing the word 'friend', "decided to pay me a visit and we got into an argument so I told him it'd be best if he left and I walked back inside. James noticed he was still outside and asked if he could tell him he should leave, and I unthinkingly said yes and then they broke out in a fight. Then, Kendall and I went out there to stop it. We started yelling at each other and then he hit a nerve and I lashed out. I wouldn't be surprised if he's in a room nearby." I stated, not wanting to give away any other details that could compromise this entire situation

"Oh, and who is this friend you speak of?" She asked, writing things down in her clipboard

"L-logan" I whispered looking down at my feet

"Well then. We need to clean these cuts before any of them get infected then we can talk more about, this." She spoke as she took some cleaning materials out of her cabinet.

She carefully cleaned every visible cut and then ordered me to buy some peroxide; some cotton balls and bandages then asked for James to come in and told him to take care of the remaining cuts. Afterwards, she asked to speak to both of us but alone. First she spoke to James then to me.

"I'm gonna set you up with a friend of mine. She's a therapist. She'll work on you and help you get better." She told me

My jaw instantly dropped. "I'm not crazy Dr. Gillian. I don't need to go a therapist. I'm perfectly fine." I responded defensively

"I know you're not crazy [YN]." She started, "But sweetie, if you lash out once more, there could be an even bigger risk for you anxiety attacks to return. We don't want to run that risk now do we? Also, I have a feeling you may have clinical depression and have a mild case of manic depression, also known as bi-polar disorder. If we don't get you a treatment you may not only but yourself in danger, but also the ones around you." She concluded

"No! I'm not crazy, I don't have depression and I am definitely NOT bi-polar!" I yelled at her, standing up swiftly

"I'm not sure why you aren't up to this. [YN], do you not realize you could have killed Logan today?" my eyes got wide before she started explaining what had happened earlier, "He came in with Samantha, Demi and Carlos looked like he had been in a terrible accident. We took him into the emergency room and were able to save him from going into a coma. He received a severely dangerous amount of head trauma. They told me he had gotten into an accident but I could tell they were lying to me just to protect you and when you hadn't come with them or came to visit any time soon I assumed it may have had to do something with you. Then when you came in and told me that you and a friend had gotten into an argument and that you had lashed out on them, everything fell into place." She paused; pursing her lips once again, "[YN], you have to go to this therapist. If you don't want to do it for yourself, then do it for your friends. James told me he's been worried about you lately and it's obvious so have your other friends. Listen to them."

"No! I'm not crazy. I'm not going to a therapist. If I lashed out on Logan, it's his fault! He called it upon himself and my brain and body reacted. I didn't choose to, he chose it himself. You're not gonna make me go to a person who has nothing better to do and goes around picking at people's brains and calls it a career! I don't need it and I refuse to go!" I yelled at her

"Look [YN], it's for your own good. If you don't go to therapy at least once a week, you won't be able to graduate with your class. You have to be treated before being cleared into no more weekly visits and then you can attend school and graduate with your friends." She stated, crossing her arms in front of her

"What? You're not fucking serious! No! I have to graduate! You can't just hold me back like this! This is unfair!" I complained to her

"Not when it concerns your health and mental stability. If your school finds out, then they won't even let you enter the premises unless you've been cleared by a psychologist. This way the only people that would know is James, who is responsible for taking you to all your appointments, you, obviously, me as your doctor and Dr. Joanna who will be your personal therapist."

"NO! NO, NO, AND NO! I'M NOT SPENDING MY TIME WITH A PHYSCOLOGIST! I REFUSE TO! JAMES ISN'T GONNA MAKE ME GO ANYWHERE! I WON'T GO! NO ONE CAN MAKE ME! YOU CAN'T. JAMES CAN'T. NOT EVEN MY FATHER! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAY, I WON'T DO IT!" I screamed at her

"Well then have fun not being able to graduate with your classmates." She replied, uncaringly.

I could feel myself on this brink of another meltdown. It wasn't until she was screaming "Nurse! Nurse! Someone, help me!" that I realized I had begun throwing her cleaning supplies at her

I was ambushed from behind by a strong pair of familiar arms. Bandages covered them and you could faintly see the pinkish, reddish of the blood that was seeping through them. He held me tightly as I began kicking and screaming to let me go.

"James, help!" he yelled, wincing and cringing in pain as my attacks got more violent as the seconds ticked by.

My screams went from "LET ME GO! DON'T TOUCH ME! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" to "STOP! YOU'RE HURTING ME! LET ME GO! MY CUTS, THEY BURN! STOP! LET ME GO, I'LL PROMISE I'LL BE GOOD!" As soon as he let me go, we both fell to the floor, both of us groaning in agony. I groaned because of my cuts, the person who held me down groaned and complained that the room spun. Soon enough a thud was heard when his head hit the floor. One of the male nurses helped him up into a wheel chair and took him back to his room while the other took me into another room. The walls were different from the entire hospital. The walls were an unwelcoming white and the men didn't say a thing the entire time. They told me to sit on the bed and to wait until Dr. Gillian came back. When she did, she was accompanied by James and another woman.

Dr. Joanna.

As soon as they pulled chairs up to the bed, I began freaking out.

"No, please. I promise I'll come but at least give me some time to recover. I can go tomorrow but not right now. Please!" I begged

"[YN]" James sighed,

"James, Dr. Gillian, Dr. Joanna, please," I begged once more

Dr. Joanna shot a look over to Dr. Gillian who only raised her shoulders.

"Okay. You're appointment is tomorrow at 4:15. Do not be late" Dr. Joanna told me sternly

I only nodded.

When we left the room I pulled Dr. Gillian to the side and apologized for what had happened earlier and asked if I could see Logan for a little bit.

"I'm not sure [YN]." She started but when I began begging again she chuckled and led me to his room.

Leaving me alone for a while, I walked into the small, private room. He looked so out of place in tiny room. His skin appeared paler than usual; his brown locks now jet black. The muscles that he'd flaunt around carelessly, covered by the hospital gown he wore.

I walked up to his bed and stared at the bruises and cuts that his face held. I laughed at the sight. I didn't bring me pleasure to see him, but I laughed, at myself. I was always the one to ruin the relationships I had.

The only sound that was heard was his long, deep breaths. I sat on the chair next to his bed and spoke out loud.

"Stay away from me. I'm sorry but leave me alone, for your own good."


End file.
